Don’t You Need A License For This?

As Jess and I sat in a 2.5 hour class on, of all things, car seats, something occurred to me: We’re bringing a tiny human home. In our car. To the place we live.
The thought process went something like this:

  • “Hey, honey, I think they’re encouraging us to take her home…”
  • “Wait, it’s more like they expect it, isn’t it?
  • “HOLY SH*T, it’s required. Like, legally. She’s gonna be ours & we have to take her home.”

If this seems obvious to you, you’re right. But, I submit that in the past, when I adopted a kitten from a local shelter, I saw them turn people away for not being ready. Some poor guy had once had a cat disappear when it got outside, and they deemed him unfit to care for a tiny kitten.
Admittedly, I’ve never had a baby run away from me, but that doesn’t matter because no one asked.

Seriously, the shelter asked more questions about my abilities to scoop cat litter than anyone’s asked about me changing diapers.

Tiny reality check, more for me than you: My daughter is not a cat. She’s less likely to zip off if a tiny bird flies by, and I’m hoping she won’t get any furballs. But then again, she has some other kinda important needs, doesn’t she?

Other parents, I should let you know, are zero help. Laughter is all that ensues as they tell us about our life once she’s home, with extra vicious giggles at all the usuals: no sleep, poop, eventual constant cartoons and “Let It Go” on repeat.

But ask for real advice and what do you get? Platitudes: “You’ll be great.” “It’s wonderful.” “You’ll love it.”

Actually, current parents, I think I need help with a plan. Of course I’ll love it. It will be wonderful. Our daughter, indeed, will be great. But in the meantime, I’m thinking this: if the hospital were run like an animal shelter, at some point they’d ask me a question I can’t answer right and I’d get told I’m just not “Kitten Owning Material,” except in this case, it’s a live human baby I’m gonna be just a teensy bit more attached to.

Yes, I’m overthinking this. But it’s what I do. Just wait until I start talking about diapers. Then you’ll wish I was ruminating on cats vs. kids…


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